Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
