Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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