I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
You ate ashes out of my bong
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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