haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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