I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
