i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
