Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
