ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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