I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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