So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
