...so i touched it.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
