I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
You've changed since you got that strap on
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize