we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
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