So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
