How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I got inside last night via doggy door
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
