I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
