you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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