I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
