If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize