he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
