Got a toothbrush?
Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
