What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
either way he was missing a nipple.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize