he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
