one two three fourrrrnication!
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
