ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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