why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
