I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
