he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
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