He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
