She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
