So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Im part way to drunk.
Drunk is not a location!
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
