I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
