So drunk its hurt
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
