Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
