everyone is single if you try hard enough
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
