If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
