I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
