maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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