Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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