My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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