By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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