i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
