Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Bring me that man meat
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
