I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Drunk is not a location!
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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