But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
