And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
