I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
