your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Jerry, you need to find god
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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