You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
