Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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