I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
