After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
