So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize