if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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