they need to just BURY HIM!
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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