I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
