Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
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No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
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