No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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