I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Randomize
