in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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