What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Randomize
