Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Randomize
