That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
