saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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