He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
