I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
