on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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