the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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