I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
