ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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