The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
