This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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