is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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