i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
