I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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