I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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