I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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