My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
